Haiku

sunflowers divine;
an ever-lasting summer
swaying in the sun.



momentum changes,
as tides crash the endless shore
speak, sweet-cautious moon.



^muses of my sleepless mind.



Today;
SF!
mewithoutYou!
Yee!

today.

I deleted my myspace.








let the world collapse.

BikeRides!

So nice!

Yvette, Ryan and I decided to venture out upon the river bike trail today.
We rode to Old Folsom and ate at Pizzeria Classico.
It was lovely and now we are planning to go every week on a bike ride.



It's funny how I'm reverting back to the simple activities of my youth and how much I'm enjoying them.
Good time with good friends is all I need :]

Gazing in the mirror, she stood
One arm hung low, held tight on the wrist
by three fingers attached to the other.

As she gazed at her ever-changing reflection, she questioned
She wasn't sad or unwell,
but she knew from the depths of her vast, lonely heart Something was missing.

Although experience was lacking,
this girl was not naive.
Her eyes did not appear in the spotted mirror clouded by innocence.

Those empty eyes, however, were searching,
continuously grasping for that extra bit of life
she saw in those she most respected.

So for now she was trapped,
inside a dirty mirror of self doubt
and the moderate life of the suburban middle class.

Perhaps, as the eldest have always claimed,
Patience is the highest virtue.
Her eyes traveled from the large mirror to the clock on the wall.

Ihavenotpostedinsolong

whoops.
hello again.


Yeah so I saw UP last week and it was awesome!

I saw it with Erin, Yvette, and Matt at the drive-ins
Overall, I thought it was totally adorable although somewhat sad and it definitely made me feel with the movie the entire time.
I think I even clapped at the end haha.
Definitely recommended.



Continuing with movies, I finally saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

I enjoyed it, but I was definitely a little creeped out at points because of various relationships and age differences.
Very interest though, without a doubt. Would recommend it as well.



Personal News, I got my lip pierced!

I am pleaseddd. I've wanted it done since freshman year so it's about time haha.
It has only swelled a little bit thank goodness and all is well so far :].


Well, peace for now!

Why is it that I have to be so defiant?
I cannot let life go on without interrupting it with pointless rebellion.
I'm rebelling against myself and my own happiness.
I'm an idiot and I wish I could put my thoughts on mute.

YAY

I am excited for senior ball.
I really wasn't ridiculously excited until today.
Kaitlyn, Hilary, Yvette and I got our nails did and that was really the catalyst to my new found excitement!
(other than the fact that I am happy to go with Matt, obviously)

It's kind of cool how a bunch of us in our group have been nominated as royalty, but also extremely bizarre. I think it would be delightful if any of the nominees won. I like everyone! :D
I'm not, however, excited to take a picture after dancing for half the night haha. Probably not the best time, but oh well.

I'm excited!
I am going to be sitting in class all jazzed and antsy to get ready because I have to go to school. I wish I hadn't ditched so much hahaha. WHOOPS



Well that is that. Goodnight.



P.S. I won Queen, weird.

Summer of '09 List

This is the list of required activities that I need to make happen this summer, it will growww;

1. Picnics, at least 5 one two three four five
2. Road trip to Seattle
3. No Doubt/Paramore concert
4. Free design a dress.
5. Stay awake until sunrise.
6. Sneak into a strangers pool just for kicks
7. Create the ultimate Slip n Slide
8. Get my lip pierced.
9. Warped tourrrr.
10. Get someone to let me cut their hair.
11. Go camping near the coast.
12. Cook a killer 3 course meal.
13. Host a BBQ
14. Trip to Tahoe

Ideas are welcome and joining me on these outings is a must.

It's a windowless room.
It holds all the excitement I have been feeling of late.
The pressure is magnifying in such a small, confined space.
What will be the consequence?
Nothing can be all good.



Lately I haven't been reading books
and I was wondering why
then it hit me.
I only really read when my life sucks,
and right now,

my life is soooooooo good :D

I just wish that Senior Ball and Graduation would be sooner
wooooo

new manchester orchestra

Their new cd, Mean Everything to Nothing is kind of hit or miss for me.
I am not nearly as in love with it as I'm Like a Virgin Losing a Child, but I'll give it time.

:]

i quite enjoy dancinggg.
hannah, travis, tami, roman and i went clubbin' again at Risqueee
and it was super fun.


Wish i could just dance every night of my life

I hate that television

can make me cry so easily.

really lame, but I'm willing to admit it.

I can't believe Kutner killed himself on House. I AM SO UPSET
he was my favorite other than House :/

I shouted at the tv I was so upset.
:[

Sorry if anyone watches House and didn't know yet...
if you don't you should. it's one of my favorites.

just finished reading

Brave New World

and wasn't altogether disgusted at their world.
I wonder what that says about me.

today

I got my tattoo retouched for freeez.
I really like the artist, his name is Andre at Exotic Bodyyy if you wanted to know.
yeah so we were just going along and another guy is like "you should add purple around the outside"
and i was like, "i like purple" and wallaaaa some purple haha

yeah so today was a good day. after that whole shabang, Sarah and I got in n out which i forgot was sooooo good.



and I really want a haircut and can't wait til i can get one on thurrrsday

writing/wrighting

Now I’m method acting my own life
Just to appease my father’s wife
I can’t seem to call her mother, no
That never sounds quite right.
Even though that’s what it’s always been
Since the day my life began.

oh senioritis

i have it so bad.
nothing matters to me right now

i would like to have a job very much so perhaps i will go give a sacrifice to the job god
adios

the flicker of the last candle has finally blown out
my childhood is disappearing into the darkness of distant memories

i am supposed to get my tattoooooo today
i am so excited

i'm hoping once i have more time

that i will blast out of my drawing lull and get buusssssy with it





cause i suck again and need to practice
which i did forrrr like half hour today in yearbook^

something saved on my old computer

I’m a has-been Christian. I once believed, or pretended I had.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t force a set of rules on my searching and free soul. I wondered how others could do that to themselves. They obey something they can’t prove exists every single day of their lives and it makes them happy.
It drives me insane because I can’t wrap my mind around it.
So who’s the one at fault?

As much as I can’t believe, I understand why they enjoy it.
With their belief, they feel as though they have a place. They have hope even in the darkest of times. When something goes horribly wrong, believers feel in their hearts that it was for a just reason, one which was meant to happen out of the love of a higher being.

Why couldn’t I feel such love? Why couldn’t I believe?
It wasn’t as though I hadn’t tried with my entire being. I truly and dearly tried, but it never occurred in my heart. Was I going about it the wrong way?
I was told if I opened my heart to Christ, he would save me.
It was all supposed to make sense. It was supposed to be easier that breathing.
It wasn’t.

I’m a has-been Christian. I could never believe.

life.

i got a new lens today.

bleh.

that is what kind of day it has been. all i've done is play soccerrrr

i've been obsessed with blueberry eggos lately

they are just too deliciousss


i wish i could push FastForward on my life.

i feel trapped

perhaps in a glass cage



i really don't know what to do with myself

a man once asked me if i'd rather be heartless or have my heart on my sleeve,
i told him i'd be dead either way.

vday

i've never had a boyfriend on valentine's day.
who the fuck cares?


not me.

jk, it would probably be nice, but i wouldn't know what to do with myself if i had one.

Today I had to give Dobby clothes.
In normal people words; I sold my ipod[Dobby] to Zach.

Now i get to buy my new one!
120GBs of Delight!

boo

Ahh, i can't believe the acadeca competition has already come and gone, and i am now not so patiently waiting for the results.
I was so freaking excited when we won the SuperQuiz, if/when we win the complete competition, I will probably pass out from happiness.


on a far different note, i am still pretty pissed that Gaspard Ulliel didn't play Edward in Twilight and that it was one of the worst movies i've seen in a long time

today

I finally hit the wall.
I broke down, much to my dismay.
I crashed and burned and all was not well.
The sting of disappointment is still burning, but i can see the light at the end


I cannot express how relieved I am to finally cross this day from my calendar.

memorizing a speech is hard work.
especially when you've written it yourself, because then you begin to hate what you've written and get frustrated.


or maybe that's just me.

when i have to much

time by myself, 

i go crazy.

it's a good think i look like i'm

twelve years old!

you know, since i'm turning 18 in about ten days 

but the big thing is tomorrow is tuesday january20th aka President Obama's inauguration!

aaaah

such a huge moment.

I'm just really hoping that he sticks to what he thinks is best and doesn't try to appease everyone because that's impossible and will just screw things up worse.

Although, i think it's near impossible to go down from here.

I think the whole U.S. is excited and hopeful, which is amazing and an entire different feeling than what has been going on.

So here's to Obama and the changing of times!

[i wonder if anyone caught the underoath allusion? haha]

new season of

best dance crew

holy shit it looks absolutely amazing.

hok and dominic from SYTYCD are on it

and a crazy ass flexing/contortionist group

even the clog group was awesome.

this season is going to be siiiick

blehhh

i'm still not finished with my speech for acadeca which is so not good, whoops!

bleh.

I'm so glad to be halfway done with senior year!  econ is done forever! haha, it was just annoying. not having Kaitlyn in any of my classes will suck though.

alright. i think i'm done complaining.

right now i'm watching jon&kate plus 8 because they're adorable, my favs being Leah and Alexis of course.

excited for the office, grey's, and private practice!

i think i'd watch tv and read all of the time if i could.

oh i got a hurrcut today

not that it looks great in this picture haha

I'm not your star

I'm not that beam of light​
Here to save your life

my motivation is lacking.

i'm waiting for that big bang of inspiration, and who knows if that is ever going to hit.

side note: the frozen yogurt place Nuyo is far better than big spoon.

can you feel the pressure

i want to go to a paramore show. 

this crowd succcks.

i'm ready for everything to be lifted off my shoulders.

i honestly can't wait for acadeca to be over. i'm not a person that stresses out and this is unwanted pressure that i really don't want it my life. just one more month!

i'm also waiting to be named varsity captain haha, i know it sounds egotistical or whatever, but i think that i would be so so so surprised if it wasn't amanda couch and me.

whatever!

i just have a lot of waiting to do

birthday in 23 days!

what is an artist?

What is an artist?

I've begun to ask myself this lately.

I call myself artistic, creative, but never an artist.

There are so many types of art that I enjoy, such as sketching, photography, and pastels, but I excel in none of them. Perhaps I am merely missing the big picture.

Maybe we are all artists in our own way; painting out the past , sketching out the path in front of us, and developing from the negatives.